How To Spend Quality Time with Kids & What is quality time guidance for parents?

What is quality time? 

Quality time has three indicators. Quality time means, if I tell anyone of you to please stay after the program I have to talk to you about something. And then I talk to you for about ten or fifteen minutes and get from you the information I wanted.

So who gave time to whom? 

Did I give you time or you gave me time? You gave me time. Why? Because I stopped you and took the information I wanted. So actually you gave me time. I took the time and you gave the time. What is taking time and what is giving time?

In our society, many parents take time from their children and don't give time. When we tell the child, come here. Tell me have you done this or that. Did you go to so and so place? What happened to this and that? Show me your homework. Show me your report! How many marks did you get?

Did you offer your prayer? 

Just keep giving me all the information I want and go away now. Now don't bother me and buzz off. Who took time from whom and who gave time to whom? What you consider giving them time is actually you taking their time. What does it mean to give (someone) time? Giving time to someone means talking on their agenda. And this will happen when they are not scared of you.

So the first indicator of quality time is that the agenda will be theirs. 

Either it will be their agenda or it will be mutually agreed with the consent of both the parties and it will represent the interest of both parties or it will be entirely their agenda and whatever they want to talk about. This is the first indicator. The second indicator of quality time is that both parties will share openly. Both will discuss openly.

And this meeting will not be less than 

twenty minutes in any case. The sitting should be at least twenty minutes.  It will be uninterrupted. The mobiles phones will be switched off, and if the phone rings, you will keep it silent.

You will commit to that! Quality is uninterrupted. 

Quality time is not less than twenty minutes. Quality time is that both parties are talking. See when you are sitting with the client and your phone rings, you do not answer the call. When you are with the boss and the phone rings, then also you do not answer. This is because you know how to please the boss or the client, though you do not like them. But we do not know how to win the hearts of our wife and children.

A person who can win the hearts of 

a very difficult client or boss, is unable to win the hearts of his wife and children. What an alarming situation? What do you think?

So your phone will not ring. The time will be not less than twenty minutes 

The first indicator of quality time is that the agenda will be theirs. The second indicator of quality time is that it will be twenty minutes of interrupted time and both parties will share openly.

And the third indicator of quality time is 

that the urge to meet again will be kept alive. It means that after this meeting of one hour and discussions nobody wanted to stop but it was time for prayer or time to go or some other business so we stopped 

but the desire to meet again was kindled in us. 

When are we going to meet again? In the present scenario the way some parents give time to their children  and when they say "we will meet again tomorrow" the child wishes that tomorrow never comes and today continues.

Tomorrow should never come. 

This is because he can not tolerate that kind of humiliation again. I did a workshop in some school for parents with regards to the children. After the workshop the teachers understood that they have to tell the parents to give time to their children. So the teachers did a workshop for the parents regarding quality time.

I did the workshop for teachers and the teachers did the same for the parents. 

and told them about quality time. After that once I was on a visit to a school by chance and there were parents and teachers meetings in progress. The usual parents teachers meeting.

I saw a couple and the teacher was telling them 

to give time to their child. 

The father of the child was so full of anger 

that the teacher was telling them apprehensively. 

the lady was also looking at him anxiously and seemed nervous. There was some ferocity in his manners and he showed anger. And the teacher was telling him that he should give time to his children at home. I was just passing by.

And he was saying "alright, I have to give time, though it is her responsibility". 

The teacher was trying to convince him and I interrupted between them lest he agrees to give time. I said excuse me, I think let the mother give them time and you leave it for now. Because if he gave time being in the condition he was in he will do more damage than good. Wee have to work on ourselves and only after that we will be able to built relationship with them.

If you do not work on yourself 

and if the self respect of your child is not safe from your tongue 

and your wife's self-respect is not safe 

then according to the statement of the Prophet, peace be upon 

we are not at the standard of being Muslims. 

A Muslim is the one by whose tongue the self-respect of other Muslims is safe. But our child's self-respect is not safe from our tongue. Their self-respect is not safe from us.