How To Protect yourself from The Effects of Negative Experiences very unique &knowledgeable way

If I ask all of you a question what are the three  ill-treatments in your life that you suffered. Three very bad treatments that you received in your life. 

You will have in your mind and you will be able to recall if you try. May be you have tried to forget those and have succeeded to some extent but if I ask you to recall three occasions when someone abused you verbally or someone has harassed you or has treated you unjustly and oppressed you. 

Just recall those incidents. And after that just think, and this is my question that those incidents in your life when someone abused you, as a result of that what wisdom did you gain? What did you learn from this and what skills you were able to acquire. What realities of life were exposed to you. 

And where you are standing today and the understanding of the life you have and the wisdom you have gained. And because of the tough situations you have faced in your life. Now if you start thinking that if I have faced difficulties in life and if someone has done injustice to me, then as a result of that, if I reflect on it then I can learn a lot and gain a lot from that.

 What happens is that when our feeling becomes intense that someone has been unfair to me  and he is not realizing it and not acknowledging. Our energy starts to drain.  And if that person does not realize at all  then we are completely lost. 

But if we just let it go and say this is his deed. With regards to our parents especially, we have to understand that whatever they did with us is their deed but what we are doing with them is our act. I will be questioned on how I treated my parents. How they treated me . Allah SWT will question them about that.

It is better in this regard, to treat them well nd say that whatever happened with them, I forego and whatever they did with me I leave it to Allah SWT. But what I have to do with them I should be able to see errors and weaknesses in it. And I should be able to see things I should be doing. 

This helps you psychologically and you become stronger from inside and your psychological health improves. You can give a better performance. The person amongst us who observes abuse but as a result of that abuse what all he could have learned and how much he could have gained. How much he could have learned.  the possibilities and chances of gaining wisdom in life. The more painful situations you faced in life, the more chances you had for learning.

This is because you were experiencing life closely. If you reflect over it and observe that someone has deceived you. So if someone has deceived you, that means that Allah  exposed you to a problem with human psychology. So you have to learn that human psychology can be like that as well. May Allah forgive me. 

Every situation comes to warn you about something or to make you something and give you something. But the problem is hat we look at it from a different angle and we think that every situation has come to snatch something from us. 

The situation in which you have lost something can also give you a lot if you think what you can gain from this. There is another principle to look at things is that whatever happens there is some welfare and divine wisdom in it.

When you have supplicated to Allah and you are in his protection and in spite of that some bad situation arises and someone oppresses you or abuses you and harms you, then this is a test whether you remain contented or not. And this is a test whether you see the situation with the belief that there is some welfare in this. Though I do not understand and apparently it is painful for me but maybe as a result of this my grip on human psychology becomes stronger. 

Or maybe I am able to understand the bitter realities of life and I learn some big lessons in life. So if we look at things from this angle then it will be beneficial In Sha Allah (God willing)  May Allah SWT make it easy for your parents.  If your parents have not realized whatever weakness was there in their roles.

That is their loss and you should not make it your loss. 

Actually what happens is that we make it our loss. Because you did not play your role well. 

Now if I say that as my parents have not realized the weakness of their roles 

so on this basis, I will make it my loss as well.  

This is their loss if they have not realized the weakness of their roles. 

But if I start realizing  as to why don't you understand your problem and I become very disturbed over it, then I will harm myself. 

My mental and psychological health depends  on my being satisfied over the situation and pray Allah SWT deals with them with mercy. Rather I will urge you to  

pray for your parents at least three times 

in your life on different occasions, and say, O Allah; 

whatever mistakes my parents made in my education and tarbiyah, 

and in my upbringing,  whatever weaknesses and deficiencies  

in my upbringing they made, 

I forgive them 

for the sake of Allah SWT. 

I have no grievances against them and I want to forgive them .

Your life becomes very easy. 

For whomsoever you utter this phrase 

your life starts to get easier. 

You can use this expression for your wife 

or for your husband.

You can use this phrase for your teachers. 

If you use these words for your spouse that okay we have been married for ten or fifteen or twenty years And you say that whatever mistakes  

my spouse made in our relationship 

and whatever weaknesses she showed, 

I forgive that for the sake of Allah SWT 

and however my spouse has treated me, I am happy with it. 

When you are able to sa

y these things your life becomes very peaceful and you feel relaxed.

 You become satisfied.  

And as a result of saying these words  

it becomes more likely that all those people  whom you had dealt with unfairly  

will be able to say the same words for you In Sha Allah (God willing).  

You should be wishing that  

 If my parents have made mistakes in my education and training  I should not be doing the same mistakes in the education of my children.  

What my parents did, whether it was lack of love  or too much love.

The way they spoiled me 

or whatever they did, I should not be  passing that on to my children. 

I have to put things right.  If you forgive people and let go,  

then believe me, many people will forgive you  and forget what you did. 

 People will hide your faults and shortcomings as well. 

We all will go through 

very tough accountability.   

And if we can develop a clear sense of this accountability  

then it will become easy to forgive.  May Allah SWT grant you and me the ability to apologize  

and the beauty and awareness of asking forgiveness  

and teach us the manners of the same.