Which quality Makes a Person Confident some facts?

I did not ask you all to introduce yourselves but I have asked in many circles to my audience “who are you, let us know.'' I make them do this activity and I will mention it briefly. I ask them to introduce themselves without mentioning their names, in one sentence, tell me about yourselves.

So then everyone starts talking, someone says  that I am a chartered accountant, I am a Computer Programmer, I am an Officer, I am a Bank Manager, I am a Teacher, 

I am an Engineer, Business woman, Doctor, 

I am a Professor, all of this, people mention. 

Who are they first and foremost? 

First of all? 

First of all they are a human, after that they are either a girl or a boy, a man or a woman, then they are a Muslim. Then after all this they have some mandatory roles in their lives, She is a mother, they have some family roles, she is a daughter, she is a sister, she is a wife, she is a mother, Then they are a citizens of a country. 

Then after all this we can say that he is, a Bank Manager, or he is a Marketing Manager or a CFO of some financial company or someone else. All of that comes later. Our Career Identity is the strongest feeling of identity through which we find ourselves worthy to be identified, this sentiment is very strongly embedded into our personalities.

It has become our major factor or reference of identity. This is one of the biggest issues of our Education System, that it doesn’t give you any orientation/direction about becoming a good mother or a good wife. You do one thing…. I had in fact once asked a question in this institute, I asked a class of students over here that according to them, before what age marriage should be out of the question? 

What do you think they might have answered? 

This is a research question I am giving to all of you as well, all the students who are pursuing their BS degree, or BBA degree program and they have reached the third or fourth year, ask them, that in their opinion at what age its an immature decision to go ahead with getting married?

The unanimous response of all the students was that before the age of 30, no one should get married. Then I told the students…. I shared with them a research, that when you are planning to get married just a few days before old age ... when you become hunchbacked and have to rock your kids…. with these points I mentioned what all can be the implications of such a situation.

Girls and Boys both were present in the class, so I asked them, whether the divorce rates are increasing or decreasing? They answered that its increasing. The students asked, “What’s the problem in it?”(Speaker addresses to the audience) When you all were young you would hesitate to even utter the word ‘divorce’, just listening to that word would send down shivers. No matter how much the husband might have disturbed you, divorce wouldn't even be an option that came to your mind.

It would be the last thing on your mind, in fact not even the last thing, It was not at all an option in your mind. And today, a boy brings home his beloved (wife), after three years of struggle against the society and within four months he gets bored and wants to get rid of her. Do you not see such incidents happening around you?

Our Education System prepares us for our career roles not for our family roles. This is the challenge of today’s time, I would want you all to know what should be your vision, in this short time I want to make you realize where should our real focus be. 

Your first vision should be that your child should feel worthy about himself, despite being empty pocketed; if his father lost his job, he should still feel worthy about himself, he should feel worthy even if he uses a Chinese second hand mobile phone. Or even if he doesn't own an iPhone. For some students its astonishing to feel important and content without owning an IPhone,

They question me, “Is that even possible? 

I mean... 

These are strange times to live in, it’s as if the iPhone is an organ which God had forgotten to place in our bodies, and these kids are begging their father to get them this iphone. This should not be the case. Think yourself to be worthy on correct grounds, think of yourself to be worthy without thinking less of others. Confidence means one considers himself important without loosing humility.

Confidence is when someone thinks of himself as worthy while retaining the element of humbleness in himself. The concept of confidence in the west is achieved through the eradication of humbleness and humility. Is this clear? The confidence of a muslim is when he does not think of himself as too high yet knows his worth. Is that clear?

So for your child to feel worthy, the education system is not conducive rather you have to work on him/her. Next is that he/she needs to understand that his/her career role comes secondary, Career is a part of your life, life is not a part of your career. Everything should not revolve around your career. You are my son first and not an engineer, you are a brother, a husband and you being an engineer comes late.

Their problem is that the sequence has been reversed, so much so that even if he becomes an Engineer and up until he doesn’t find a job or has money in his pocket, he doesn’t find in himself any worth and self-confidence. 

Even if there isn’t any money in the pocket, you are still important! Our children did not receive such an upbringing, because of that, they are unable to touch the higher standards of morality. The creative abilities do not bloom.

 And what exactly is creativity?

Creativity 

is the quality that every human possesses, which enables him to make a door out of a wall, from a blocked road, closed ally, he finds his way out. You The ability of not stopping due to the obstacles that comes between you and your goal, This is called creativity. 

Whatever you wish to do or achieve, you don’t lose hope when you are faced with any obstacle, tragedies do not cause you to sway, you make your way out. To be able to find ways, to look for possibilities and to work for it, This is a very important quality.

His creative potential allows him to find his way out without feeling scared, (scenario): dollar has gone up, “no problem, God is the one who controls everything.” The ability to say, “Allah is the Owner/All controller,” is the confidence of a muslim! “So what if the dollar's rate has gone up, no problem we’ll see, something can be done, 10 ways have been closed, so another 10 new ways will open, God willing.

God will open new doors, 

it’s not an issue” It is not only this attitude that is hindering our creative potential from developing (giving preference to money/career)There is another problem with :We think that the one who has all the answers to our question is ‘the good student.’ It’s not a matter of concern that the student doesn’t have the answer to your question, rather it is when days have passed by and there has not been a single question that the student has asked. He has stopped asking questions!

It’s not a matter of concern that you ask him what are the terms and conditions of so and so and he answers it, describe photosynthesis and he answers well, rather the problem is that the topic of photosynthesis was taught for one week and he didn't even ask a single question on it.

This is a disaster! It’s not a problem that photosynthesis was taught in school as well as tuition and still they didn’t score well, rather, photosynthesis was under discussion and they were unable to raise any question. That was the problem! In Fact this is a disaster! Minds have been blocked, no questions are being asked! 

Are you getting it? Is it clear? If we do not develop confidence, and why will we not develop confidence… To sum up, whatever I have mentioned up until now, and why will we not develop confidence, this is because they have not exercised their ability to choose, (Ability to choose) secondly, their connection with God has not reached the level which makes it possible for them to feel confident about themselves. 

Are you all following?

They are following God without really appreciating the kind of masterpiece He has created. Do you all follow me? It’s like being an admirer of Einstein, yet not giving credit to his established formula of E=mc2. Is this clear? This attitude is strange/foolish right? 

So let's hope they perceive God in a manner that helps them nurture their worth. When they see themselves, it helps them understand the Potential of their Creator, they develop a bond with God in a manner that helps them identify their own potential. Their self worth should be nurtured unconditionally, Alright?

let them choose, give them a sense of direction to carry out their family roles. So these are few things that need to be worked upon, so that they can start believing in themselves. As a result, these steps will help develop their creative character.

What happens is that, with our current approach, a very insecure person is raised. We have changed our expectations from our children without changing ourselves! To be very frank, in the past 10 years, We have embraced a narrative. 

The keywords of this narrative are: Entrepreneurship, Values, leadership, vision, risk taking, but if I really want my children to be raised at that level, I really need to work on myself, I will have to change my mindset, And the kind of circumstances and conditions my child is raised in, I will have to work on that too. 

Is it clear? So hopefully we look to work on all of this (God Willing), Hopefully, we to our parents and our children to us, become a means of continuous goodness, and that our children are able to earn money and make use of it without getting consumed by love for wealth.